As busy Moms, we often look outside of ourselves for validation.  From worry about what our children are doing every moment, to wondering what they think of us, it’s a constant challenge.  Additionally,  layering on  the thoughts and exceptions of significant others can be an added challenge.  It is incredibly important to take a moment, pause, and ask yourself “How am I really doing?’

In this first session, we are going to dig in to help you understand if you feel overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, inadequate, sad, unseen, and even undervalued.  If you fail to recognize how you actually are feeling, breakdowns in our feelings, moods, and routines can occur.  To prevent these breakdowns, we must be honest with ourselves and others.

Once we know how we are, we can identify how we want to be. Generally speaking, moms want to be healthy, balanced, loved, at peace, valued, strong, organized, whole, and valued.  We have to understand and recognize there are things (as well as people) who can get in the way of this.

So what are the daily occurrences and distractions that steal our peace of mind away?  Something as simple as social media can impart these feelings of inadequacy.  Looking at our peers with envy of lives we wish we could live create stress and depression – even if these depictions of lives aren’t reality.

There are countless other things that get in our way, from something as complicated as a negative relationship with a family member or spouse, to the types of food we eat.  Alcohol consumption also can quickly become out of control as we cope to deal with the stressors of everyday life.

But, there is hope.  Once we have better understood what our stressors are, it is easier to identify what we can do to combat these negative feelings.  Everything from  exercise to prayer, meditation to art and music can help you feel more centered, in control, and happy.

Action Item this week:

Identify how you feel- set an alarm for every 90 minutes or 2 hours to check in with yourself.  During that time, take a moment to identify your feelings.  If they are positive, give thanks;  if negative, take a deep breath and move through it.

Also, take some time to identify what does work for you.  Be intentional about doing that activity this week.  i.e. walking, working out, writing, reflection time, etc.

For a quick recap, last session we focused on identifying our emotions and feelings as we experience them in the moment.  Ideally you took the time to form you self-awareness this past week by checking in with yourself every two hours to identify how you are feeling.  Additionally, we identified ways to help to reduce these stressors based on what has worked for you in the past, and what may work better for you in the future.

This week, we want to take things a step farther.  Now that we have identified when you are feeling both positive and negative emotions, it is important to understand where these emotions originate from.

Often we believe we don’t have permission for emotions. Feelings in and of themselves are neutral. We assign meaning to them and our response to them can become positive or negative. For example: Feeling inadequate or that we don’t measure up often comes from a standard or expectation we have for ourselves. So often we are chasing something that doesn’t exist.

Just as it is important to take the time to identify your emotions, it is important to slow down and give yourself credit for the little wins everyday. We often can easily cheerlead for others, but have a difficult time seeing our own strengths and successes.

Where does the standard we choose to measure success come from? It can originate a multitude of places going all the way back to childhood, or from parents, peers, media, and even movies and television. Often our standard is generated from a multitude of sources and we are expecting ourselves to match or exceed this false standard that is unobtainable and/or unsustainable

Giving a 100% effort at all things 100% of the time is one such standard. Some things as a wife and mother merely require 70% effort. For example: Meal planning. I have a cookbook from my grandmother from Better Homes and received the revised edition that was updated 60 years later. The standard for meal planning has not changed much; however, your children and husband will survive without fresh vegetables every night.

There are countless ways in which we spend out energy trying to chase a standard that is not required. Our families need us to be loving and present. Sometimes, the best way to achieve that may be to order a pizza and sit with them watching a movie. Other times, it may be to allow your children to be a part of meal preparation regardless of it doubling the time and not turning out quite perfectly.

This week’s action item: Identify one area of perfection seeking that is not required or necessary. Give yourself a pass on trying to be perfect all of the time and embrace an imperfect moment.